I always intended to head this blog with a favourite picture from a road trip. It shows the view going down a long gradual incline. Because it always seemed that that's what aging would be, a gradual incline. Sometimes though, you find yourself free wheeling down the road maybe pulled into the invisible slipstream, pulled along with ever increasing speed with no desire to hit the brakes to back off and let them race on.
Once coming through the mountains of BC many years ago, I saw a family picnicking. A classic bucolic scene so ordinary as to be trite. Wicker hamper and plaid blanket, man and woman with small child, boot of the car open and a vista of highway and a swiftly flowing river with a backdrop of snow capped mountains they, the family appeared so ordinary and unaware. Their choice of picnic site not an abandoned roadway or wayside as they may have imagined but, a run away lane.
Sometimes life is a picnic.
Showing posts with label passage of time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label passage of time. Show all posts
Friday, March 13, 2015
Friday, September 7, 2012
Another Year
Today I AM older and still no wiser. In fact just this last little while I feel less sure of myself , not in a dotty oldster sort of way but questioning what I have always held to be true, those basic beliefs about who I am and what I know. I have questioned my view of past happenings and assumptions that have shaped my life. I always thought that old folks were rigid in their thoughts and beliefs-either I'm not there yet or this is one of my realizations.
This year has been remarkable, probably one of the most significant of my life. I have repeatedly been present at the most powerful of moments one can ever experience. I have witnessed the first breath of nine new lives.The spark of energy that ignites in the room when a child is born is palpable. It charges the room and reflects in the faces of everyone there. I feel it in my being. I could never have imagined the gift I would be given when I first chose to be a birth companion three years ago. I only saw what I could give not what I would receive. I am so thankful to the families that choose me to accompany them on their journey.
In this year, my youngest son has left home. He was late to leave and truly I had begun to see him as always living here . I could not imagine life without him living with us, but not living with us; here but separate. It's been over 6 months now and I miss him, but I don't . We talk and text from time to time and I try to turn off the worry switch. When those thoughts begin to rise, I try not to let them settle on me. I remind myself of how capable he is and remember back to when I was that age and it helps to quell the concerns. I have let him go and with his departure the responsibility that I have held onto, or so I tell myself and truly it is better every week he is on his own.
My elder son is away-way away. He has left his job and is travelling in Southeast Asia. I have been very proud of him. He has had a very responsible position and a strong successful career. I am even prouder of him for giving it all up and allowing himself to be the man he needs to be. His travel is not open ended. He will return at the end of the year. He is often in danger, his life is frequently imperiled and yet I am little more than anxious when he hasn't called for a few weeks. Even the call to say he was recovering from dengue fever did little to my calm. I look forward to his return and the new adventure he will undertake as a husband and my new role as a mother- in- law.
I can't reflect on my relationship too long or too deeply. We dance around each other politely and relish in the space between us physically and emotionally but then we become very close and it's almost as if the 35 years of parenthood never happened and we are sweet lovers, once again.
It's been quite a year, this 60th year of my life. I look forward to the unfolding future.
This year has been remarkable, probably one of the most significant of my life. I have repeatedly been present at the most powerful of moments one can ever experience. I have witnessed the first breath of nine new lives.The spark of energy that ignites in the room when a child is born is palpable. It charges the room and reflects in the faces of everyone there. I feel it in my being. I could never have imagined the gift I would be given when I first chose to be a birth companion three years ago. I only saw what I could give not what I would receive. I am so thankful to the families that choose me to accompany them on their journey.
In this year, my youngest son has left home. He was late to leave and truly I had begun to see him as always living here . I could not imagine life without him living with us, but not living with us; here but separate. It's been over 6 months now and I miss him, but I don't . We talk and text from time to time and I try to turn off the worry switch. When those thoughts begin to rise, I try not to let them settle on me. I remind myself of how capable he is and remember back to when I was that age and it helps to quell the concerns. I have let him go and with his departure the responsibility that I have held onto, or so I tell myself and truly it is better every week he is on his own.
My elder son is away-way away. He has left his job and is travelling in Southeast Asia. I have been very proud of him. He has had a very responsible position and a strong successful career. I am even prouder of him for giving it all up and allowing himself to be the man he needs to be. His travel is not open ended. He will return at the end of the year. He is often in danger, his life is frequently imperiled and yet I am little more than anxious when he hasn't called for a few weeks. Even the call to say he was recovering from dengue fever did little to my calm. I look forward to his return and the new adventure he will undertake as a husband and my new role as a mother- in- law.
I can't reflect on my relationship too long or too deeply. We dance around each other politely and relish in the space between us physically and emotionally but then we become very close and it's almost as if the 35 years of parenthood never happened and we are sweet lovers, once again.
It's been quite a year, this 60th year of my life. I look forward to the unfolding future.
Friday, November 25, 2011
it's a love hate relationship with me. The postings are so meaningless and yet. . . from time to time there is a gem. You tell me something real- that is me and all your other friends.I'd prefer you called but we just don't have that kind of a connection but I do like to keep up with you, really I do. The thing I find so amazing and can never figure out how to share with other people is the range of Facebook friends I have.
Down the alley way from the house my family moved into when I was a teen was a young family with two kids. The mom was pregnant with a third and later went on to have a fourth. I was the eldest daughter in a large family and well experienced in child care. I babysat for them. I loved to spend my Friday nights at their home. The house was clean and well ordered and there were yummy treats. The kids were bathed and I just had to put the older boy to bed and the evening was mine.
The little girl was almost always asleep and what a beautiful little girl she was. I used to stand and watch her sleep, her silky curls on her pillow, her lightly tanned cheeks flushed and rosy. I could imagine being mother to a daughter like her with a beautiful well ordered home like that-so unlike my own home just a few steps away. I grew up and moved away and had two sons,the most wonderful caring intelligent sons. My house has never been well-ordered but it has been a happy life.
My kids grew up far from my family and the idea of leaving them with a neighbourhood teen in charge every Friday night didn't occur to me but eventually a day came when we parents needed to get out, and so we asked among our friends and found a teenaged girl well experinced in the care of young lads. She didn't come often but when she did I was so grateful! Time passed she grew up and we forgot about her but as fate would have it- and the fact that this largish town is just like that- I am now working with her. This lovely woman with two children of her own and she is my Facebook friend!
Through my younger sister I have also been in touch with the little girl I babysat for every Friday through 1963 to 1967 and SHE is my Facebook friend also! As I wade through the meaningless and the pointless posts I see updates from both of these women and I am amazed at the ground that Facebook allows me to cover from my teens through my mommy days and on until today and I am grateful for the pearls I find along the way.
Down the alley way from the house my family moved into when I was a teen was a young family with two kids. The mom was pregnant with a third and later went on to have a fourth. I was the eldest daughter in a large family and well experienced in child care. I babysat for them. I loved to spend my Friday nights at their home. The house was clean and well ordered and there were yummy treats. The kids were bathed and I just had to put the older boy to bed and the evening was mine.
The little girl was almost always asleep and what a beautiful little girl she was. I used to stand and watch her sleep, her silky curls on her pillow, her lightly tanned cheeks flushed and rosy. I could imagine being mother to a daughter like her with a beautiful well ordered home like that-so unlike my own home just a few steps away. I grew up and moved away and had two sons,the most wonderful caring intelligent sons. My house has never been well-ordered but it has been a happy life.
My kids grew up far from my family and the idea of leaving them with a neighbourhood teen in charge every Friday night didn't occur to me but eventually a day came when we parents needed to get out, and so we asked among our friends and found a teenaged girl well experinced in the care of young lads. She didn't come often but when she did I was so grateful! Time passed she grew up and we forgot about her but as fate would have it- and the fact that this largish town is just like that- I am now working with her. This lovely woman with two children of her own and she is my Facebook friend!
Through my younger sister I have also been in touch with the little girl I babysat for every Friday through 1963 to 1967 and SHE is my Facebook friend also! As I wade through the meaningless and the pointless posts I see updates from both of these women and I am amazed at the ground that Facebook allows me to cover from my teens through my mommy days and on until today and I am grateful for the pearls I find along the way.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Autumn Leaves
The words have been running through my tuneless mind. I had to stop raking the leaves, come into the house and listen. I hope you enjoy Paula Cole.
If not, perhaps Eric Clapton will warm your heart.
Enjoy!
If not, perhaps Eric Clapton will warm your heart.
Enjoy!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Milestones
When my Grand was younger he came to me on Tuesdays.
After he had settled in I'd ask him if he wanted a "kid cofee." Almost always, the answer was "yes" and we'd sit together sipping and plan our day. I have been making him his cocoa ever since. With one thing and another; his mother moving to the burbs, high-school, and a part-time job he and I don't see each other often enough and so the ritual has fizzled out.
He joined us for Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. The dinner had been planned around his work schedule. The turkey dinner had been shared and we had all retired to the living room to digest and engage in a lively game of Cranium. There was pumpkin pie waiting for us and so after a time I took a poll of what beverages were neeeded to wash down the pie.
"I'll have tea Gramma" my darling little boy said. It was a first! That little boy is gone, and now my university student grandson is drinking tea.
Don't tell him I made him decaf;o)
After he had settled in I'd ask him if he wanted a "kid cofee." Almost always, the answer was "yes" and we'd sit together sipping and plan our day. I have been making him his cocoa ever since. With one thing and another; his mother moving to the burbs, high-school, and a part-time job he and I don't see each other often enough and so the ritual has fizzled out.
He joined us for Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. The dinner had been planned around his work schedule. The turkey dinner had been shared and we had all retired to the living room to digest and engage in a lively game of Cranium. There was pumpkin pie waiting for us and so after a time I took a poll of what beverages were neeeded to wash down the pie.
"I'll have tea Gramma" my darling little boy said. It was a first! That little boy is gone, and now my university student grandson is drinking tea.
Don't tell him I made him decaf;o)
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I don't remember growing older . . .
I remember him from the Friday morning play group.
A tiny boy my mother would have called sturdy. He toddled about the musty church basement brought by his care giver and trailed by his adoring older sister Sarah, Sarah with the Sparkly Eyes as she was dubbed by my eldest- to differentiate her from all the lesser Sarah's of the preschool and primary galaxy.
Even then, his face was sprinkled with sun kisses. He laughed easily and made me smile.
A few years later I was his "morning mom" and he and my younger son, for a time, became fast friends. His silly sense of humor, flashes of brilliance and mischievousness made the mornings race past as we waited for kindergarten. The after school antics of the four kids made the arsenic hour a foreign concept.
Time passed and before and after school care was no longer a requirement, but for a time I was Tic Tac to his Beaver group. Then one day I stopped in at my favourite dry cleaners and I was personally greeted by a young man with side burns and the unmistakable sun kissed smile- my own children had matured but how was this possible?
A few chance encounters with his parents kept me aware of his, and his sister's, travels and then this weekend again I bumped into them. "Jamie is in London" they said so casually. "He decided to get his Law degree."
Well done Munchkin! I can't believe it has been that long since you ate apple wedges at my table. I am very proud of you, as your own parents must be.
A tiny boy my mother would have called sturdy. He toddled about the musty church basement brought by his care giver and trailed by his adoring older sister Sarah, Sarah with the Sparkly Eyes as she was dubbed by my eldest- to differentiate her from all the lesser Sarah's of the preschool and primary galaxy.
Even then, his face was sprinkled with sun kisses. He laughed easily and made me smile.
A few years later I was his "morning mom" and he and my younger son, for a time, became fast friends. His silly sense of humor, flashes of brilliance and mischievousness made the mornings race past as we waited for kindergarten. The after school antics of the four kids made the arsenic hour a foreign concept.
Time passed and before and after school care was no longer a requirement, but for a time I was Tic Tac to his Beaver group. Then one day I stopped in at my favourite dry cleaners and I was personally greeted by a young man with side burns and the unmistakable sun kissed smile- my own children had matured but how was this possible?
A few chance encounters with his parents kept me aware of his, and his sister's, travels and then this weekend again I bumped into them. "Jamie is in London" they said so casually. "He decided to get his Law degree."
Well done Munchkin! I can't believe it has been that long since you ate apple wedges at my table. I am very proud of you, as your own parents must be.
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