Showing posts with label aging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aging. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Young no longer
I've had some thoughts for the now, not so young Callum. Not so much about the nebulous end of middle age but more about the realization of old age and the looming end of the road. But those thoughts are for another day, another post perhaps even another lifetime. I've had yet another birthday and feel an urgency and the speedy passage of time. I have places to go and stories to tell. Philosophy can wait for the dark side of the moon.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Diminishing Domestic Diva
These days, I like to clean the kitchen without my glasses on. It goes so much faster.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Every journey begins
Every journey begins with a single step.
My journey began some time ago. What I didn't notice was, that while there were many paths to follow and many sidetracks to tempt me, there is no back track.
My journey began some time ago. What I didn't notice was, that while there were many paths to follow and many sidetracks to tempt me, there is no back track.
I know I'm old
In the market I went looking for a small bottle of ketchup. That never happened when my boys were about.
We buy apples in threes, one for him and one for me, and one for whom ever enjoyed their first. Then we shop again.
Recently the maple syrup went moldy.
"How long has it been since we made pancakes?" he asked.
We buy apples in threes, one for him and one for me, and one for whom ever enjoyed their first. Then we shop again.
Recently the maple syrup went moldy.
"How long has it been since we made pancakes?" he asked.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Romantic Language
Each relationship with have it's own. There is no universal language of love. After forty years of marriage I still thrill to our own personal endearments and cringe when a generic happens to pass his lips. Our private names are just for us and not used within the hearing of others. Pillow talk remains, just that; either a postprandial prelude to bed or a post coital tete a tete.
Personal experience has not been a help to me in my quest to compile a list of endearments for a work project and perusing the Internet has convinced me that creativity is in it's death throes. It seems those who blog think, Angel, Baby, BabyGirl, BabyDoll, Big Boy, Bear, Boo, Bunny,Cutie, Darling, Dear, Dickie, Dickie Bird, Honey, Love, Luv, Sugar, Sunshine, Sweetheart, Sweetie, Sugar tits, Sweet buns, Gorgeous, Handsome, Hon, Honey, Kitten, Love, Pookie, Princess, Pumpkin, Shorty, Sugar are creative and worthy of sharing .
Oh how I despair!
So it was a great pleasure to stumble upon the following old blog post. I imagine the author to now be romantically involved, not doubt with a poet who appreciates her way with words. Sadly the blog has not been updated since 2011.
http://people.tribe.net/caroleeena/blog/1d46fdc3-0bfc-45ae-854a-49df838a0323
So what about you ? Pressed for words of love how would you address your beloved?
Personal experience has not been a help to me in my quest to compile a list of endearments for a work project and perusing the Internet has convinced me that creativity is in it's death throes. It seems those who blog think, Angel, Baby, BabyGirl, BabyDoll, Big Boy, Bear, Boo, Bunny,Cutie, Darling, Dear, Dickie, Dickie Bird, Honey, Love, Luv, Sugar, Sunshine, Sweetheart, Sweetie, Sugar tits, Sweet buns, Gorgeous, Handsome, Hon, Honey, Kitten, Love, Pookie, Princess, Pumpkin, Shorty, Sugar are creative and worthy of sharing .
Oh how I despair!
So it was a great pleasure to stumble upon the following old blog post. I imagine the author to now be romantically involved, not doubt with a poet who appreciates her way with words. Sadly the blog has not been updated since 2011.
http://people.tribe.net/caroleeena/blog/1d46fdc3-0bfc-45ae-854a-49df838a0323
So what about you ? Pressed for words of love how would you address your beloved?
Friday, September 7, 2012
Another Year
Today I AM older and still no wiser. In fact just this last little while I feel less sure of myself , not in a dotty oldster sort of way but questioning what I have always held to be true, those basic beliefs about who I am and what I know. I have questioned my view of past happenings and assumptions that have shaped my life. I always thought that old folks were rigid in their thoughts and beliefs-either I'm not there yet or this is one of my realizations.
This year has been remarkable, probably one of the most significant of my life. I have repeatedly been present at the most powerful of moments one can ever experience. I have witnessed the first breath of nine new lives.The spark of energy that ignites in the room when a child is born is palpable. It charges the room and reflects in the faces of everyone there. I feel it in my being. I could never have imagined the gift I would be given when I first chose to be a birth companion three years ago. I only saw what I could give not what I would receive. I am so thankful to the families that choose me to accompany them on their journey.
In this year, my youngest son has left home. He was late to leave and truly I had begun to see him as always living here . I could not imagine life without him living with us, but not living with us; here but separate. It's been over 6 months now and I miss him, but I don't . We talk and text from time to time and I try to turn off the worry switch. When those thoughts begin to rise, I try not to let them settle on me. I remind myself of how capable he is and remember back to when I was that age and it helps to quell the concerns. I have let him go and with his departure the responsibility that I have held onto, or so I tell myself and truly it is better every week he is on his own.
My elder son is away-way away. He has left his job and is travelling in Southeast Asia. I have been very proud of him. He has had a very responsible position and a strong successful career. I am even prouder of him for giving it all up and allowing himself to be the man he needs to be. His travel is not open ended. He will return at the end of the year. He is often in danger, his life is frequently imperiled and yet I am little more than anxious when he hasn't called for a few weeks. Even the call to say he was recovering from dengue fever did little to my calm. I look forward to his return and the new adventure he will undertake as a husband and my new role as a mother- in- law.
I can't reflect on my relationship too long or too deeply. We dance around each other politely and relish in the space between us physically and emotionally but then we become very close and it's almost as if the 35 years of parenthood never happened and we are sweet lovers, once again.
It's been quite a year, this 60th year of my life. I look forward to the unfolding future.
This year has been remarkable, probably one of the most significant of my life. I have repeatedly been present at the most powerful of moments one can ever experience. I have witnessed the first breath of nine new lives.The spark of energy that ignites in the room when a child is born is palpable. It charges the room and reflects in the faces of everyone there. I feel it in my being. I could never have imagined the gift I would be given when I first chose to be a birth companion three years ago. I only saw what I could give not what I would receive. I am so thankful to the families that choose me to accompany them on their journey.
In this year, my youngest son has left home. He was late to leave and truly I had begun to see him as always living here . I could not imagine life without him living with us, but not living with us; here but separate. It's been over 6 months now and I miss him, but I don't . We talk and text from time to time and I try to turn off the worry switch. When those thoughts begin to rise, I try not to let them settle on me. I remind myself of how capable he is and remember back to when I was that age and it helps to quell the concerns. I have let him go and with his departure the responsibility that I have held onto, or so I tell myself and truly it is better every week he is on his own.
My elder son is away-way away. He has left his job and is travelling in Southeast Asia. I have been very proud of him. He has had a very responsible position and a strong successful career. I am even prouder of him for giving it all up and allowing himself to be the man he needs to be. His travel is not open ended. He will return at the end of the year. He is often in danger, his life is frequently imperiled and yet I am little more than anxious when he hasn't called for a few weeks. Even the call to say he was recovering from dengue fever did little to my calm. I look forward to his return and the new adventure he will undertake as a husband and my new role as a mother- in- law.
I can't reflect on my relationship too long or too deeply. We dance around each other politely and relish in the space between us physically and emotionally but then we become very close and it's almost as if the 35 years of parenthood never happened and we are sweet lovers, once again.
It's been quite a year, this 60th year of my life. I look forward to the unfolding future.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Adrift; mind, blogs and bottles
I'm ever so busy doing what I do, and even more so, NOT doing what I do. When I am out and about topics and ideas pop into my mind and then Poof- like a puff of smoke from a prop gun -> gone or I have conversations with myself and promise to do a little research when time allows and then like a puff of smoke from a prop gun -> gone! Perhaps this an adjunct to the other tortures of being in my 60's.
I hate it when I surf the blogs out there and people apologize for their absence and the apologies are a year or more old- detritus, just like the plastic left behind by people who won't clean up after themselves. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100819141915.htm
and THAT reminded me of one of my bug-a-boos, plastic bottles! For the most part I speak of plastic water bottles but it applies to other plastic bottles as well,
It has been an exceptionally long hot spell of summer weather here in Ontario with virtually no rain until last week. Hot, hot , hot make no mistake about that! Perhaps on another summer the frequent thunder showers might have swept the trash down the gutters where perhaps the diligent homeowners, and tenants, have picked up the droppings outside their homes and secreted the empties into the blue bins. This year however is isn't possible to walk a block without finding an abandoned water bottle tossed to the roadside crushed and empty leaching their toxic components into the waterstream. Run off goes into the river, untreated, and at the other end of the system we take drinking water - treated for bacterial and key contaminants back out of the river. It is the same river !
Now I have a thing against bottled water. I think it is the basic right of every individual in a wealthy country such as our own to have access to free clean drinking water. It is what we strive to help to provide to developing countries around the world. It is a manufactured need to have people buying bottled water
( slated to reach 65.9 billion dollars world wide in 2012) and I object to the cost of processing those bottles that are thoughtfully recycled and I resent the cost of cleaning up after those that do not recycle . On line sources vary in presenting the facts about the percentage of bottles recycled from the Council of Canadians 50% to the 70% cited elsewhere. I have a personal memory of reading somewhere that in my community which has a high compliance with curbside recycling only 35% of plastic water bottles are recycled though I have no time right now to track down the source. This whole scenario of bottled water plays out wrong on so many levels.
When we recycle the bottles, IF we recycle the bottles, there is the cost - monetary and ecologically to do so and if the bottles are recycled, is it done locally or shipped overseas for processing? and if it is shipped overseas for processing (using more resources) is it done responsibly there? OR just dumped in a third world country to contaminate their soil or burned to contaminate both soil and air?
And what of those that are not recycled and end up in the land fills here - leaching contaminants into the local water table, filling what is often scarce agricultural land with residue that takes decades to degrade and those are the ones disposed of what of those on the pathways, trails, tracks and roadsides left to degrade at their own pace creating hazards for wildlife and birds and creating breeding grounds for mosquitoes?
My meandering mind only takes this one direction for now but I have tried from time to time to create a flow chart going the other direction from the store counter top to the source and I simply can't the implications are simply too widespread the steps to great. Not so with tap water it's all pretty straight forward. So my final thought is - Really are you that thirsty ? Can you not wait until you can turn on the tap and get yourself a glass of fresh water? it's the right thing to do.
Other thoughts on bottled water:
http://www.insidethebottle.org/Bottled_Water_Industry.html
http://www.cbc.ca/news/story/2006/12/21/bottle-study.html
AND just imagine what the money going to bottled water could be used for . .
I hate it when I surf the blogs out there and people apologize for their absence and the apologies are a year or more old- detritus, just like the plastic left behind by people who won't clean up after themselves. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100819141915.htm
and THAT reminded me of one of my bug-a-boos, plastic bottles! For the most part I speak of plastic water bottles but it applies to other plastic bottles as well,
It has been an exceptionally long hot spell of summer weather here in Ontario with virtually no rain until last week. Hot, hot , hot make no mistake about that! Perhaps on another summer the frequent thunder showers might have swept the trash down the gutters where perhaps the diligent homeowners, and tenants, have picked up the droppings outside their homes and secreted the empties into the blue bins. This year however is isn't possible to walk a block without finding an abandoned water bottle tossed to the roadside crushed and empty leaching their toxic components into the waterstream. Run off goes into the river, untreated, and at the other end of the system we take drinking water - treated for bacterial and key contaminants back out of the river. It is the same river !
Now I have a thing against bottled water. I think it is the basic right of every individual in a wealthy country such as our own to have access to free clean drinking water. It is what we strive to help to provide to developing countries around the world. It is a manufactured need to have people buying bottled water
( slated to reach 65.9 billion dollars world wide in 2012) and I object to the cost of processing those bottles that are thoughtfully recycled and I resent the cost of cleaning up after those that do not recycle . On line sources vary in presenting the facts about the percentage of bottles recycled from the Council of Canadians 50% to the 70% cited elsewhere. I have a personal memory of reading somewhere that in my community which has a high compliance with curbside recycling only 35% of plastic water bottles are recycled though I have no time right now to track down the source. This whole scenario of bottled water plays out wrong on so many levels.
When we recycle the bottles, IF we recycle the bottles, there is the cost - monetary and ecologically to do so and if the bottles are recycled, is it done locally or shipped overseas for processing? and if it is shipped overseas for processing (using more resources) is it done responsibly there? OR just dumped in a third world country to contaminate their soil or burned to contaminate both soil and air?
And what of those that are not recycled and end up in the land fills here - leaching contaminants into the local water table, filling what is often scarce agricultural land with residue that takes decades to degrade and those are the ones disposed of what of those on the pathways, trails, tracks and roadsides left to degrade at their own pace creating hazards for wildlife and birds and creating breeding grounds for mosquitoes?
My meandering mind only takes this one direction for now but I have tried from time to time to create a flow chart going the other direction from the store counter top to the source and I simply can't the implications are simply too widespread the steps to great. Not so with tap water it's all pretty straight forward. So my final thought is - Really are you that thirsty ? Can you not wait until you can turn on the tap and get yourself a glass of fresh water? it's the right thing to do.
Other thoughts on bottled water:
http://www.insidethebottle.org/Bottled_Water_Industry.html
http://www.cbc.ca/news/story/2006/12/21/bottle-study.html
AND just imagine what the money going to bottled water could be used for . .
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Small Things
I don't really want to get into the whole Boomerang Kids discussion or debate. This is just how it is today, this week, this month; for now .
I have two kids, men actually. One has been out on his own for close to 10 years and the other has not. I love my guys and more than that, I like my guys. I think they are wonderful men. I admire the people they have become. They are generous and helpful and funny. Recently they have both left town-literally. The younger one has bounced in and out of our home for the last 3 years working in other communities and then returning home as the season geared down, travelling, returning home, and setting off to work out of town again. The last time he arrived home he said,
" This is the last time I am doing this. When I leave next time, I leave for good"
As the season for him to leave approached there was a flurry of activity as he sorted, filed, packed and disposed of a decade of the un-disposed detritus of life. I was pressed into service. It was bittersweet because while there was almost a decade when my mantra was "I will miss him when he's gone" the fact hit me squarely in the face. I no longer felt that way. We had moved on from that parent-child gulley of tension to an easy rhythm of respect. Still I am no fool, and it was past time for him to be gone.
Interspersed with his preparation was his older brother's preparation to relocate after a "world tour." We went to his soccer games -"this could be the last time" we said to each other. His Dad shared sports with him on the little screen at home and the big screen in the bar. (Small mercies- *I* am NOT a sports fan!) We shared breakfast, lunch, and dinner with him -
"Who knows when we'll do this again?" we said to each other.
Life has been a whirlwind of activity-not chosen activity but truly a whirlwind where you are picked up and swept along in our case by the energy of two whirlwinds.
Before the scheduled date, a call came and our younger son was on a plane heading out . Left behind were partially filled boxes, full hangers, unfiled taxes, tools, records and a car. Mom - that's me stepped in. I am delighted to say the taxes are filed , the car is sold and a very few of the boxes have been closed.
Elder son left a few weeks after his brother. His father and I helped him get his home ready to rent, sell his car and we ate, reminised and just plain hung out together. "We may never do this again" we said to each other.
It's been three weeks since the last plane left. My husband has taken to leaving the laundry basket right outside our son's door when he comes up from our basement laundry room.
"I know no one is going to come barrelling through there" he said to me one day by way of an explanation I hadn't asked for. I nodded. I notice he has taken to parking his truck in the middle of the drive way. It is the only vehicle. None of our friends would expect to park on the rear driveway. As I leave the house I grab my purse and go I notice. There is no shuffling of coats to find where my things have been buried. From time to time I find myself glancing towards the back of the house surprised to find there are no large shoes askew on the floor by the door.
I DO miss them now they are gone, and so does he. We are though, alone together at last.
I have two kids, men actually. One has been out on his own for close to 10 years and the other has not. I love my guys and more than that, I like my guys. I think they are wonderful men. I admire the people they have become. They are generous and helpful and funny. Recently they have both left town-literally. The younger one has bounced in and out of our home for the last 3 years working in other communities and then returning home as the season geared down, travelling, returning home, and setting off to work out of town again. The last time he arrived home he said,
" This is the last time I am doing this. When I leave next time, I leave for good"
As the season for him to leave approached there was a flurry of activity as he sorted, filed, packed and disposed of a decade of the un-disposed detritus of life. I was pressed into service. It was bittersweet because while there was almost a decade when my mantra was "I will miss him when he's gone" the fact hit me squarely in the face. I no longer felt that way. We had moved on from that parent-child gulley of tension to an easy rhythm of respect. Still I am no fool, and it was past time for him to be gone.
Interspersed with his preparation was his older brother's preparation to relocate after a "world tour." We went to his soccer games -"this could be the last time" we said to each other. His Dad shared sports with him on the little screen at home and the big screen in the bar. (Small mercies- *I* am NOT a sports fan!) We shared breakfast, lunch, and dinner with him -
"Who knows when we'll do this again?" we said to each other.
Life has been a whirlwind of activity-not chosen activity but truly a whirlwind where you are picked up and swept along in our case by the energy of two whirlwinds.
Before the scheduled date, a call came and our younger son was on a plane heading out . Left behind were partially filled boxes, full hangers, unfiled taxes, tools, records and a car. Mom - that's me stepped in. I am delighted to say the taxes are filed , the car is sold and a very few of the boxes have been closed.
Elder son left a few weeks after his brother. His father and I helped him get his home ready to rent, sell his car and we ate, reminised and just plain hung out together. "We may never do this again" we said to each other.
It's been three weeks since the last plane left. My husband has taken to leaving the laundry basket right outside our son's door when he comes up from our basement laundry room.
"I know no one is going to come barrelling through there" he said to me one day by way of an explanation I hadn't asked for. I nodded. I notice he has taken to parking his truck in the middle of the drive way. It is the only vehicle. None of our friends would expect to park on the rear driveway. As I leave the house I grab my purse and go I notice. There is no shuffling of coats to find where my things have been buried. From time to time I find myself glancing towards the back of the house surprised to find there are no large shoes askew on the floor by the door.
I DO miss them now they are gone, and so does he. We are though, alone together at last.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Happy anniversary , happy anniversary
Just by serendipity I happened to notice that I have been here for 3 years TODAY!
Happy anniversary to me ! I'm sorry it took so long for you to find me here. At an average of 20 posts a year it's not an onerous task for you to keep up. I hope you'll be back soon.
The intent of the blog was to log some of the triumphs and many of the frustrations on the road to old age. I didn't think I'd done that but already as I read back I can see a few things that have changed in my life.
Happy anniversary to me ! I'm sorry it took so long for you to find me here. At an average of 20 posts a year it's not an onerous task for you to keep up. I hope you'll be back soon.
The intent of the blog was to log some of the triumphs and many of the frustrations on the road to old age. I didn't think I'd done that but already as I read back I can see a few things that have changed in my life.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
In the afternoon
we play Scrabble without keeping score.
On Sunday, side by side, as the sunlight begins to wane
It's the pleasure of your company that brings me to the board.
On Sunday, side by side, as the sunlight begins to wane
It's the pleasure of your company that brings me to the board.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I know you meant well
and I appreciated being able to sit on the crowded bus, truly I did, so please forgive me as I offer this suggestion.
Next time offer your seat by saying
" May I offer you my seat?"
I will say, "why thank you, yes."
It could also be possible for me to say "How kind of you to offer but, thank you- I prefer to stand." Or perhaps "How kind of you to offer but, I am getting off at the next stop."
Unfortunately you said to me "Do you need my seat?" And yes, yes I did.
Next time offer your seat by saying
" May I offer you my seat?"
I will say, "why thank you, yes."
It could also be possible for me to say "How kind of you to offer but, thank you- I prefer to stand." Or perhaps "How kind of you to offer but, I am getting off at the next stop."
Unfortunately you said to me "Do you need my seat?" And yes, yes I did.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Monday, April 13, 2009
Fall 2008
Afterwards. . .
silver whorls upon your chest, near where my head I lay to rest
what else are those old man's pyjamas keeping from me?
silver whorls upon your chest, near where my head I lay to rest
what else are those old man's pyjamas keeping from me?
Monday, April 6, 2009
March'09
My favorite Auntie whispered in my ear and told me her fears. When did I stop bringing her mine? I hope I am up to the task.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Age Gap
Is there anything so wonderful as sex on a Sunday afternoon?
OH.You.Don't.Know.
You have children
OH.You.Don't.Know.
You have children
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Doh, a Dear
Marg was the first one to call me Dear. I mean the first in my adult life other than my Grandmother and Aunt. I was taken back by it but Marg lived with her elderly parents at the time in one of those role reversal situations that happens to single women of a certain age, AND she was and is my contemporary or at least close enough that it no longer matters.
Then there was a "shop girl" by that I mean a woman who has chosen or had chosen for her. a life in retail. Familiarity can be expected from someone who has just seen you in your skivies.And the "odd waitress" but some of her customers were "Honey" so Dear didn't seem so bad.
The other day it was one of the managers at work who resolved a problem for me as is his job. "there you go Dear" he said. Bite me - thought I as I smiled a benign smile.
Then there was a "shop girl" by that I mean a woman who has chosen or had chosen for her. a life in retail. Familiarity can be expected from someone who has just seen you in your skivies.And the "odd waitress" but some of her customers were "Honey" so Dear didn't seem so bad.
The other day it was one of the managers at work who resolved a problem for me as is his job. "there you go Dear" he said. Bite me - thought I as I smiled a benign smile.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Some times it just smacks you in the face-
being old I mean.
Winter has been pretty long this year,long and nasty.
Work has been unusually brutal.
I was off work a little early one day recently. The afternoon sun was warm. The sky was clear blue, bright. My plans for a quick walk home had been thwarted by the sale signs across the road which had beckoned me back inside. I immediately found an unusually good bargain- a gift for a friend. I emerged quickly glad to be outside again and feeling munificent and happy.Ready to pepstep home with energy and vigour the weak spring sun warming my smile, the slight breeze wresting the song from my soul
The city bus had just pulled away from the stop. A generation of middle school students were taking leave of each other. They filled the air with greetings and leave takings; curses and threats. A body went into a snowbank;some ice was crushed under heel; snow balls and ice chunks flew through the air. I stood back and waited for them to pass.
"Hey Jerk- let the old lady pass " someone called
Winter has been pretty long this year,long and nasty.
Work has been unusually brutal.
I was off work a little early one day recently. The afternoon sun was warm. The sky was clear blue, bright. My plans for a quick walk home had been thwarted by the sale signs across the road which had beckoned me back inside. I immediately found an unusually good bargain- a gift for a friend. I emerged quickly glad to be outside again and feeling munificent and happy.Ready to pepstep home with energy and vigour the weak spring sun warming my smile, the slight breeze wresting the song from my soul
The city bus had just pulled away from the stop. A generation of middle school students were taking leave of each other. They filled the air with greetings and leave takings; curses and threats. A body went into a snowbank;some ice was crushed under heel; snow balls and ice chunks flew through the air. I stood back and waited for them to pass.
"Hey Jerk- let the old lady pass " someone called
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